As I mature...

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof to destroy it.

I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that you’d better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you’re finished.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I’ve learned that 99 % of the time when something isn’t working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I’ve learned that the people you care about the most in life are taken from you too soon, and all the less important ones never go away.