[COMIC RELIEF] : Men vs Women War
RULES GUYS WISH WOMEN KNEW
• If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.
• Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, Put it down.
• Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.
• Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
• If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you do not want to hear.
• Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
• Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
• Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
• Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
• When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
• You have enough clothes.
• You have too many shoes.
• Crying is blackmail.
• Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
• Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
• No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
• Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound to miss sometimes.
• Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
• Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
• Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Rules guys wish women knew - part 2 (the catch in THIS one is I have included MY input : P )
-A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.(yeah ok...maybe...but ever considered YOU started the headache?? Hmmm…..)
-Foreign films are best left to foreigners.(OR men with unlimited intelligence and braincells... oh wait....all of THOSE guys are already dead!).
-Check your oil.(Sadly I cannot argue here! Women you disappoint me with this one!)
-Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.(Yeah but research shows that if we fake it, we burn MORE calories!!! Besides...if you didn't have so fragile an ego we won't hafta fake, would we!!??? )
-It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.(K..again, women you disappoint me with this,....wtf do we need to take other ppl's quizzes anyways!!??? They are just in dire need of a real life!)
-No, it does not matter which quiz.(see above)
-Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.(Any rebuttal by a man in OUR arguments simply means a NEW argument hence all OLD material becomes revived to "hours" and above argument becomes null and void! )
-If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.(Maybe if you lose the belly and get some charm and manners we could squeeze into clothes that seep our lifeforce from us, and act like we don't have a working brain!!!)
-If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.(K...this is the politics of language and unfortunately I gotta agree with them here...coz even though they have limited braincells..They DO have enough sense when it comes to escape routes. So if we have something to say....let's come right out n say it!!! ps..keep a sharp weapon nearby).
-Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it is genetic.(K, again..I agree with them here too coz NO WAYYY imma gonna stop ogling those gymnastics guys on ESPN or those footballers!!!! But just be warned...you ogle...we ogle too!)
-Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.(Words of wisdom...sometimes men do make sense! wow! )
-You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.(Nuh uh!!!!! YOU NEED BOTH coz you not smart enough to do the job right the first time !!!!)
-Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.(Uhm..if it's football aka soccer...I gotta agree with them here).
-Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.(Um huh! And Columbus DID intend to discover WHERE exactly????)
-Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.(Again..I totally agree coz I am sure there was a mirror in the house and you saw yourself before leaving home!!!)
-More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.(And more men should exercise and use Clearasil so they'd have HALF a chance to look like Del Piero, Maldini, Totti, Xavi, Raul, Morientes, etc etc etc etc)
-The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.(uhmm...too much for me to get into here)
-ALL men see is only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.(And if they DO know more than the windows settings...we gotta be worried...so we'll give them this one for their own sake)
-Pumpkin is also a fruit.(fruit or veggie?)
-If it itches, it will be scratched.(Yeah..so long as you DON"T argue when we scratch too!)
-Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.(K...I happen to think beer is more exciting than handbags too!!! Like you can do so much with a hand bag!!! Pfffttt!)
-If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.(Hmmmmm...this needs some pondering)
-We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.(It goes with the limited intelligence thing....we gotta SPELL it out for them!!!)
-If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.(Again...if asked what's wrong....SPELL it out loud n clear so they DON'T misinterpret what you say!!!!!)
-If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry; the fantasy includes you AND her, together.(OoooOOooooOooo...and they say it like it would be so bad!! Pffftttt!!!! )
LOL
I just HAD to throw in the extra comments for comic relief...it was getting stifling hearing the men do all the talking!!!!!!
• If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.
• Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, Put it down.
• Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.
• Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
• If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you do not want to hear.
• Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
• Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
• Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
• Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
• When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
• You have enough clothes.
• You have too many shoes.
• Crying is blackmail.
• Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
• Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
• No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
• Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound to miss sometimes.
• Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
• Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
• Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Rules guys wish women knew - part 2 (the catch in THIS one is I have included MY input : P )
-A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.(yeah ok...maybe...but ever considered YOU started the headache?? Hmmm…..)
-Foreign films are best left to foreigners.(OR men with unlimited intelligence and braincells... oh wait....all of THOSE guys are already dead!).
-Check your oil.(Sadly I cannot argue here! Women you disappoint me with this one!)
-Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.(Yeah but research shows that if we fake it, we burn MORE calories!!! Besides...if you didn't have so fragile an ego we won't hafta fake, would we!!??? )
-It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.(K..again, women you disappoint me with this,....wtf do we need to take other ppl's quizzes anyways!!??? They are just in dire need of a real life!)
-No, it does not matter which quiz.(see above)
-Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.(Any rebuttal by a man in OUR arguments simply means a NEW argument hence all OLD material becomes revived to "hours" and above argument becomes null and void! )
-If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.(Maybe if you lose the belly and get some charm and manners we could squeeze into clothes that seep our lifeforce from us, and act like we don't have a working brain!!!)
-If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.(K...this is the politics of language and unfortunately I gotta agree with them here...coz even though they have limited braincells..They DO have enough sense when it comes to escape routes. So if we have something to say....let's come right out n say it!!! ps..keep a sharp weapon nearby).
-Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it is genetic.(K, again..I agree with them here too coz NO WAYYY imma gonna stop ogling those gymnastics guys on ESPN or those footballers!!!! But just be warned...you ogle...we ogle too!)
-Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.(Words of wisdom...sometimes men do make sense! wow! )
-You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.(Nuh uh!!!!! YOU NEED BOTH coz you not smart enough to do the job right the first time !!!!)
-Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.(Uhm..if it's football aka soccer...I gotta agree with them here).
-Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.(Um huh! And Columbus DID intend to discover WHERE exactly????)
-Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.(Again..I totally agree coz I am sure there was a mirror in the house and you saw yourself before leaving home!!!)
-More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.(And more men should exercise and use Clearasil so they'd have HALF a chance to look like Del Piero, Maldini, Totti, Xavi, Raul, Morientes, etc etc etc etc)
-The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.(uhmm...too much for me to get into here)
-ALL men see is only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.(And if they DO know more than the windows settings...we gotta be worried...so we'll give them this one for their own sake)
-Pumpkin is also a fruit.(fruit or veggie?)
-If it itches, it will be scratched.(Yeah..so long as you DON"T argue when we scratch too!)
-Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.(K...I happen to think beer is more exciting than handbags too!!! Like you can do so much with a hand bag!!! Pfffttt!)
-If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.(Hmmmmm...this needs some pondering)
-We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.(It goes with the limited intelligence thing....we gotta SPELL it out for them!!!)
-If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.(Again...if asked what's wrong....SPELL it out loud n clear so they DON'T misinterpret what you say!!!!!)
-If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry; the fantasy includes you AND her, together.(OoooOOooooOooo...and they say it like it would be so bad!! Pffftttt!!!! )
LOL
I just HAD to throw in the extra comments for comic relief...it was getting stifling hearing the men do all the talking!!!!!!
posted by aria | 9:23 PM
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