Diary entry

My heart grows heavy. The journey down the winding marble staircase has begun. The stairs run on and on … unending, into a dark bottomless realm. I want to leap for the door and escape this morbid journey, but it’s no longer there. The door has vanished. There is no going back. Something has happened to change the entire gleeful aura of my Dreams … of my Life … of Me. My heart tells me something more is about to happen, but it doesn’t say what. As I continue down the stairs, I keep looking back with all the Hope I have in me, that the journey ends in a field of brightly coloured and sweetly scented flowers. And there is even some secret hope that the door would return and fling itself open so that I can dart through it and go back to what I know …How I desperately want to go back to that Happiness … to those feelings of walking on air … to those Dreams of him and I together making each other happy …. I think about that as I continue my way down the stairs, and as those thoughts multiply, so do the stairs …. They seem to suddenly reach even further down. I stop where I am – in the middle of Nowhere … in a realm of utter Despair. I feel my Hope abandoning me. Somehow all has turned out to be Illusion. But though I can conjure up no defense, Despair and Hopelessness continue to attack me. I see the signs in the growing darkness…. He will wound my heart deeply….

© 2004 Radica