Holy Water lyrics

Throughout the ages,
Memories of Life, Love and Loss have been recorded in song.
As I ponder upon recently written pages,
I realise this is a realm where even I belong.

Words sent to me by a very dear friend,
Who saw through my façade: the stranger I tried to be.
And though a part of us had to end,
I am grateful for all he has done for me...

~ Rads
**...**...**...**...**...**...**...**...

Somewhere there's a stolen halo
I used to watch it well
Everything would shine wherever she would go
But looking at her now
You'd never tell
Someone ran away with her innocence
A memory she can't get out of her head
I can only imagine what she's feeling
When she's praying, kneeling at the edge of her bed
And she says
Take me away, and take me Father
Surround me now and hold, hold, hold, hold me like holy water.

She wants someone to call her angel
Someone to put the light back in her eye
She's looking through familiar faces and unfamiliar places
She needs someone to hear her when she cries
When she says take me away
And take me Father
Surround me now and hold, hold, hold me like holy water.

She just needs a little help to wash away the pain she's felt
She wants to feel the healing hands of someone who understands
And she says take me away
And take me Father
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me
Like holy water

~ Big and Rich  

God's Angels

"All God's angels come to us disguised."

~ James Russell Lowell  

As I mature...

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof to destroy it.

I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that you’d better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you’re finished.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I’ve learned that 99 % of the time when something isn’t working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I’ve learned that the people you care about the most in life are taken from you too soon, and all the less important ones never go away.  

My Immortal ~ Evanescence

When words fail, music speaks. Sometimes you never figure out a relationship till it's over.

~ Rads

*...*...*...*...*...*...*...*...*

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along...  

"The farther behind I leave the past, the closer I am to forging my own character."

Isabelle Eberhardt  

Reincarnation

Thoughts on Reincarnation

Recently, in a discussion with a friend, the topic of reincarnation surfaced. I had never given serious thought to it before, other than for what I understood it to be. Since then, I have decided to pen my thoughts, however incoherent and however erroneous in an attempt to answer the question.

Reincarnation or Metempsychosis is the belief that the soul leaves the dead body and transmigrates to another. It is believed that the soul leaving the dead body, seeks another live body to enter, or enters that of an animal. According to Totemism, it may even transmigrate to a non-human body.

It is interesting to conceptualise or try to come to terms with the theory of the “soul”. Like Plato and Pythagoras, I do believe that the soul is immortal. It moves in stages from one level to another in a progression. The ultimate aim of this cyclic progression is the purification of the soul so that it may leave this cycle.

Unlike Pythagoras, I believe the soul does not always “progress”. Rather than follow the proverbial “clean and narrow path”, the human being is prone to straying and because of this, it becomes difficult to follow a “progression” to the state of Purity. I therefore have to agree with the Platonic viewpoint that the soul does indeed digress and become unclean when it errs.

The choices one makes, and the actions one performs will determine whether the soul progresses or regresses. The issue of Reincarnation therefore has an intricate link to Karma. According to an article in Wikipedia, individual souls or jiva-atmas pass from one plain of existence to another, carrying with them samskaras (impressions) from former states of being. These “karmic agglomerations” on the soul are then taken to the next life where it determines what happens to that soul. In Hinduism, liberation from the Samsara (cycle of death and rebirth) is the ultimate aim of our existence here. This theory of “Nirvana” belongs not only in Hinduism, but is also present in other religions. In the laws of karma, basically what happens is that every action has consequences and what we do now will be rewarded hereafter, and by extension, what we have done in the past, determines what happens to us now.


Yedayah Bedershi had posited the following three reasons why he is against the belief of Reincarnation:

1. There may be no reason to do good in this life if one fears one did wrong in the past life. After all, the end is already predetermined.

2. Some people may think they did not err in their past life and may pay no heed to doing good now.

3. At the end of the world, it is said in Judaic and Kabalistic thought that God will resurrect the soul and physical bodies of the dead. The argument at hand here is that if one had lived multiple lives, which life will be resurrected?

Some other skeptics of Karma and Reincarnation state that it is nonsensical that we should keep returning in another form. They claim that we should just be allowed to live for as long as it takes to do what is necessary. This falls within the realm of those who argue that we are still here for a purpose and we are given time to fulfill that purpose.

I have to confess that “karma” only makes sense to me in the present… the here and now. If I have no conscious knowledge of what I did wrong in the past life, what is the sense of retroactive punishment? What is there to be gained from it? It just appears to be a case of “Justice by all means”, and what we do now will therefore count for nothing… until we reach the next life where we have no recollection of this one. Shouldn’t what happens in Life be judged on what happens NOW and shouldn’t the punishment and/or rewards be handed out NOW?

With respect to reincarnation however, there has to be a deeper meaning behind “déjà vu”. Isn’t there more to it when we meet somebody for the first time, and think we have known them forever? Or when we go to a place we have never been to and everything is extremely familiar? There has to be something recorded in our subconscious that allows us to remember these places and people. In this respect, I am more inclined to accept the Eastern schools of thought which posit that man may return as a lower life form. In the Western teachings, it is held that man never returns as a lower life form, and if he does not attain a higher spiritual status, he has to repeat that particular level until he can progress to the next stage.

It is my own personal belief that upon death, only our strongest characteristics (positive or negative) and beliefs are held intact although our personality dies. I also believe that together with our strongest beliefs, we are given more traits. This would explain the mixture of positive and negative energy in us. It is then left up to us to determine which course we should take, and whether we want to progress or regress. If we can progress with each rebirth, then the road to Nirvana will be that much closer, and finally our cyclic journey will end, and we will once more return to that Realm where we will be in our pure state as souls.

~ Radica  

Thought for the Day

There are two ways of spreading light;
To be the candle,
Or the mirror that reflects it.

~ Wharton  

St Maarten

My summer destination 2005...Can hardly wait :D  

Friendship

Throughout my life, the things I want to remain constant are the loyalty, support, trust and love of my family and friends. When that fabric starts to disintegrate, uncertainty and fear steps in accompanied only too gladly by disappointment, cynicism and resentment.
It becomes a very sad existence to have to let go of things that matter or mattered at some point in time. It is even more tragic when one starts to lose Hope in things, and especially in people. Sometimes friendships end, and it's for the best. Sometimes they go through a metamorphosis and strengthen. I guess the end is determined by our own attitude towards the people involved, and just how much we want to hold on to those people...

~ Radica  

Anthrax lyrics

...The biggest secret
Is the one you can't keep
Lift up your head
If you're only asleep
You try to hold on to reason
Why can't you see that you're leaving?
My love for you knows no distance
But it can't fight for your resistance...

~ Anthrax  

The Golden Bough [excerpt]

..."So natural is the knowledge and belief of the soul's existence and immortality that we find traces of it in all ages, and among nations even the most barbarous. This must have originated in the soul's conscious feelings of her own existence, - a sort of crude conception of her own being and qualities. Men saw that her powers continued paramount amidst the successive changes of our material frame, and thence drew references of immortal existence. But, strange as it may appear, as men have advanced in Science, they have retrograded in certainty regarding the nature and qualities of the soul, and its primitive substance. The Epicureans considered it to be a suitable air, composed of atoms in primitive corpuscles. The Cartesians made thinking the essence of the soul, and thus deduced its immateriality and immortality. But Spinosa, who maintains that nothing exists beside matter, asserts the soul to be of the same substance with the body.
Now I have sometimes tried to side with the sage, on the ground of the obvious certainty that the soul grows and expands with the body's growth and strengthens with her strength - dwindling away again in drivelling and palsied age to a mere withered stem of the once glorious mental flower. But I found that this theory will never do - at least it would never do for me; as it destroyed all the fine fairy visions which I had so long entertained of the soul's separate existence: not after death, for that I never presumed to call in question; but in deep sleep, in trances and all the other standings - still of the corporeal functions, it is well known that I have always maintained that the soul rooms at large, and by that means views scenes and draws conclusions predictive of future events.
Indeed, the soul in human nature seems to be all in all. Its various states of changeful feelings direct all the body's motions and affections. It is the soul that makes the body what it is; and in a future state of existence the same soul will still make the same individual being, of whatever component parts its body may be composed..."

~ Sir James Frazer (on the perils of the disembodied soul)  

POEM: Sonnet of Fate

I remember looking up at the sky
Wishing you would soon pass by.
I remember the wind through my hair
Wishing you could be there.

Some things in Life were meant to be;
Others, we must wait and see.
Sometimes Life's funny that way;
The best things often get away.

At times, Fate lends a hand;
Like uniting two people from different lands.
So beautiful yet unreal it seems;
Maybe it's only just a Dream.

But Dreams sometimes do come true;
You see, I got to know YOU.

© 1997 Radica  

[Untitled Narrative]

Increasingly, I am becoming more aware of his presence. His voice echoes constantly from the abyss of my mind, to the very core of my soul. Though his words are simple, the very utterance of a single consonant vibrates through me. He has the Nightingale's song- it is not stolen; rather, it is created by him. The hidden corners of my head are sought out by his warm smile. Its very glow melts all coldness and conquers the darkness. His eyes reflect his soul's intent. those brown and gleaming ovals have captured my heart by the means of some bewitching enchantment beyond any rational comprehension. When his hand touches mine, I can feel Affection's fiery hold on me. I don't want to let go...For he is my protector. When he is near me, I know that together we will build memories... Memories that will stand the test of Time...

© 1994 Radica  

Poem: Sonnet of Longing

I live my Life one day at a time,
I look at you and hope you'll be mine.
Longing for you is now my constant rhyme,
Wishing like a sunflower for the sun to always shine.

I close my eyes and feel you hold my hand,
You look at me and promise to never leave me where I stand.
Just the two of us together,
Like lovers we dream of forever and ever.

But then I open my eyes and shout out for you, you can't hear
I reach out for you and you're not there.
Without you my life is like a desert
My empty heart left without a beat.

Like the vision of a softly painted scene,
Reality strikes!... You were but a Dream.

© 1996 Radica  

...Untitled Narrative...

...The demons came again today. I tried to pretend they weren't there, but that didn't keep them away. They just looked at me when I cried out for help. Not one of them moved in an attempt to acknowledge my plea. They just sat and stared... They didn't care.

Sometimes when they come I wish they were dead. Once they come inside my head, I can't stop the pain. It always feels like they're bashing my skull against a wall; it hurts so much. It hurts for days... and there's nothing I can do to stop them.

Today when they came, I was still under medication. Oddly enough, I sought comfort in my sedated state... At least this way I had an excuse for not fighting them - I hadn't the strength. But when I awoke it all came rushing back to me. What about now? I'm awake and I'm fully aware of my surroundings. What about now? The medication had worn off and I could think clearly.

I can see their outlines through the glass as they stare at me - the lab animal I had become. They're coming to sedate me again. Why do they do this? What can I do against all of them? What are they so afraid of?

The door creaked open and four whitecoats entered. Three held me down while the fourth injected some poison into my veins. I flinched in agony and then the dizziness overtook again. I dreaded this animal - imprisoned existence, where I existed only to serve their needs. The only memories I have of this place are the whitecoats... their outlines behind the glass... their maliciously piercing stares... the medication... and the demons.

Oh how I would like to forget them! But for the first time, I got an answer to a question I constantly asked myself: what were they afraid of? Before I succumbed once more to the realm of unconsciousness, I SAW the answer. I SAW the fear in their eyes - as if they were looking at death itself. I SAW their desperation to have me controlled... and I understood! For the first time since it all began I understood. And I know I liked it... They were afraid of ME!

© 1997 Radica  

Untitled Poem

A day in time,
The rose shall have her hour.
Watch her bloom; see her colours glow.
Hold the leaf, touch not the thorn;
Out of chaos, a bloody rebellion is born.

What words are these?
They string together, yet seek no story to tell.

© 1997 Radica  

POEM: "Crashed"

Teardrops slipping, sliding, falling unceremoniously
Bruised and battered, this broken hearted agony.
Memories arise of the times gone before
When being in love with you held promises of something more.

Silently my world comes crashing again
Leaving a twisting, turning, searing pain.
Little did I imagine it would have turned out like this
A sudden end to all our Dreams of bliss...

© 2005 Radica  

Thought for the day

[photo: Whisky Falls]

"Watch your thoughts; they become your words. Watch your words; they become your actions. Watch your actions; they become your habits. Watch your habits; they become your character. Watch your character for it will become your destiny."  

Narrative: Sunset

"Sunset"

A beacon to behold, I sit and stare at the masterpiece that is before my eyes. So lovely... so unique... so free... so much like a dream being given Life to BE. Mother Nature's artistry at its resplendent best. An Aurora Borealis to steal my heart and make me wish to forever be a part of this divine creation.

I contemplate the day that passed... moments never to be had again... moments that remain only in the vastness of Time and Memory. I sit and think that Life has only just begun, and yet, so much of it has just passed by. My thoughts, they roam to wherever they will. I control neither their direction nor their purpose. I see my life as it is... as it was... as I wish it to be.... I see Happiness trapped in the colours of the fading day, and I long to reach out and grab for it; lest I never get that Happiness again. I see Sadness float by, and linger. I see Anger, Hate, Hurt and Rejection lurking nearby. I long to erase them from my Sanctuary of Reflection, but yet they hover like carrions over their prey.

I get lost in the colours of Freedom and Perfection before me... A magnificence that fills me with the awe of Creation's potency. Peace...Serenity...Beauty...and yet, a certain Sadness. A painful realisation within my heart for "Good-byes" is never easy. The door opens and fancy is set free. I think that my Destiny lies out there... under this vast sky that will soon cease to be. Conversations reverberate through me. I feel torn: do I follow that Destiny and risk failure and solitude? Or do I charge at it and Hope? For isn't that what it all boils down to in the end?... Hope that the new day will dawn... Hope that the new tomorrow will bring good tidings... Hope that my failures today will be stepping stones to success tomorrow... Hope that all sadness within me will fade away... Hope that my happiness finds me...

Each day a different picture on the etchings of Nature's diversity. But the emotions they never fade. They never cease to come alive. At times, as I feel my spirit soar overhead, I entwine with the rays. I think: "This is me... and at last I am free..." But with the coolness of the wind against my cheek, I fall back to my earthly self... And as if on cue, the tears start to slide down my cheeks. I feel robbed of my Destiny.... Why forever have the Dream if it wasn't meant to be? Why do the Fates so conspire against my very existence? The thoughts abound in profusion. Is this where I truly belong?

© 2004 Radica  

Thought For The Day

Character:

To stay happy in every situation remember what has helped you, what has made life worthwhile. Forget the old, the things of no value, and what has stolen your dreams. You grow and progress in life thanks to what motivates and inspires you. You get depressed through remembering your weaknesses and mistakes. 

Favourite Quotes : "Wit and Wisdom"

1. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

2. "We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are." ~ Anais Nin

3. "If you judge people, you have no time to love them." ~ Mother Theresa

4. "When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you till it seems you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." ~ Harriet Beecher Stowe

5. "Think wrongly, if you please, but in all cases think for yourself." ~ Doris Lessing

6. "I shall be an autocrat, that's my trade; and the good Lord will forgive me, that's his." ~ Catherine the Great

7. "An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her." ~ Agatha Christie

8. "Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin." ~ Grace Hansen

9. "It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees." ~ Delores Ibarruri

10. "How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?" ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

11. "There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved." ~ George Sand

12. "Men are not the enemy, but the fellow victims. The real enemy is women's denigration of themselves." ~ Betty Friedan

13. "You cannot shake hands with clenched fists." ~ Indira Gandhi

14. "You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time. And that's sufficient." ~ Rose King

15. "You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try." ~ Beverly Sills

16. "The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him." ~ Cher

17. "If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman." ~ Margaret Thatcher

18. "The words the happy say
Are paltry melody
But those the silent feel
Are beautiful." ~ Emily Dickinson

19. "When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened before us." ~ Helen Keller

20. "The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment." ~ Dorothy Nevill

21. "When a woman behaves like a man, why doesn't she behave like a nice man?" ~ Edith Evans

22. "Good girls go to Heaven, bad girls go everywhere." ~ Helen Gurley Brown

23. "Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself." ~ Rita Mae Brown

24. "I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck." ~ Emma Goldman

25. "I guess walking slow getting married is because it gives you time to maybe change your mind." ~ Virginia Cary Hudson

26. "He who angers you, conquers you." ~ Sister Elizabeth Kenny

27. "I never realized until lately that women were supposed to be the inferior sex." ~ Katharine Hepburn

28. "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." ~ Erica Jong

29. "Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving us worthy evidence of the fact." ~ George Elliot

30. "He who laughs last, didn't get it." ~ Helen Giangregorio

31. "I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house." ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

32. "Language is a wonderful thing. It can be used to express thoughts, to conceal thoughts, but more often, to replace thinking." ~ Kelly Fordyce

33. "You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you." ~ Mary Tyler Moore

34. "Necessity dispenseth with decorum."  

Favourite Quotes : "Love"

1. "True love goes beyond flowers and romance, it is more than champagne and candlelight. True love is the arms of one who will always be there no matter how cold the night."

2. "It is only through the eyes of someone we love that we see who we really are."

3. "When we love someone, we see the best of who we are in them, and we are inspired to be even better."

4. "To love me is not to understand everything about me but to want to."

5. "Love is not a protective cage, but the gift of wings that allow another to fly free."

6. "Love is never noisy, obvious, or demanding. It is the gentle whisper of the heart, the soft lullaby of the soul."

7. "If there ne'er were a broken heart, we'd never know the miracle of love's healing power."

8. "Loving sometimes means holding on, and sometimes means letting go. Trust your heart to know the time for each."

9. "The heart that loves is always young."

10. "The most important element of love is trust- trust that you each hold the other's best interests in your heart, and trust in yourself that you can open your life to another without reservation."

11. "Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction."

12. "To truly love someone is to see them as they really are, with all their faults, quirks, and defects, and still see them as perfect expressions of the Divine."

13. "Love is not the touching of two hearts, it is the blending of two lives."  

Port of Spain night lights

Port of Spain at night 

Stollmeyer's Castle

A peek at Stollmeyer's Castle... another one of the magnificent seven. 

Our national bird...the Scarlet Ibis